What is Disappointment Teaching You?

𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

I’ve been thinking a lot about disappointment lately.

Some former colleagues were recently laid off. Some had invested a decade or more in the company.

I’ve written before that work, at its core, is a transaction. You contribute your time, talent and expertise. In return, you are compensated.

But many of us give much more than that.

We take the red-eye so we don’t lose a workday, miss the recital, answer Slack from vacation, or put our health, relationships, and sometimes ourselves second.

There’s nothing wrong with giving more, as long as we understand why and if it fulfills us, challenges us, or gives us something we personally value.

But if beneath that sacrifice is an expectation that our loyalty will someday be reciprocated, we may find ourselves deeply disappointed.

And lately, I’ve been reminded this isn’t only true at work.

I’ve experienced disappointment in someone I care about. And I’ve had a harder time letting go of it than I expected.

Which has made me ask myself:

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁, 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱?

What happened or what I believed should have happened?

Perhaps the answer isn’t to stop having expectations. We are human. We hope. We trust. We invest. We care.

But perhaps we need to recognize when an expectation has quietly become an agreement the other person or organization never actually made.

And perhaps 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘂𝘀.

It can show us where we over invested.

Where we assumed reciprocity.

Where our values differed from someone else’s.

Where we ignored information because we wanted a different outcome.

Or simply how deeply something mattered to us.

So before rushing to “let it go,” maybe there is another question worth asking: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲?

Feel it. Understand it. Take the information it offers.

And then ask: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴?

Because there comes a point when reflection stops helping us understand what happened and starts keeping us tethered to it.

We cannot control whether a company rewards our loyalty or whether another person reciprocates our care, effort or expectations.

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘂𝘀.

Maybe letting go of disappointment isn’t deciding that what happened was okay.

𝗠𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘂𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲.

I’m still working through this one myself.

So here’s my question for you to reflect on: 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙚?

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